Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
