my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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