Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
PANTIES FOUND
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