Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
