I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
