I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
