Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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