I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
