At least make sure they are 18
Why
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
