Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
