Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
