so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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