I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
