Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
