I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
