What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
