and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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