You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
