I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
