took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
