That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
