wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
