Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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