Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
