New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
