just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
