And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
