I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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