STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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