maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Randomize
