This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
