How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
