I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize