Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
