well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
