Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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