Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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