Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
