I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
