piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
