I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
