my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
