hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
