Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
