omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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