Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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