My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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