You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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