Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
no you cant smoke seaweed
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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