Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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