That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hippo gnu deer
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
