I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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