i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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